An Escape Plan
by Eriol-sama
Summary: A Blech crack fic, Ishida does something that enraged Ichigo just to escape. Please read and review!


Title: An Escape Plan  
Author: gacktgratia  
Pairing: Ishida x Ichigo  
Rating: PG-13  
Warning: Shounen-ai, male/male relationship  
Summary: Ishida did something to Ichigo  
Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine or else it would be a yaoi hardcore manga with all the bishies screw each other

An Escape Plan

Ishida is quite sulking inwardly as he is sitting among the noisy shinigamis in some sort of gathering party just on the night before the departure day. Yes, tomorrow at last, he will leave this place filled with all those shinigamis he even never ever think of socializing. Yes, while some of them are actually have brains more than just brawns and are cultured and well-mannered, but that is not the point, the main point is that he hates shinigamis and now he is in a place that reeks of shinigamis. Though he had volunteered himself on joining Ichigo and others to come to Soul Society to rescue Kuchiki-san but still…that doesn't change the fact that he dislikes shinigamis, despite of him being biased. Anyway, apart of that, he does despise one particular shinigami which is that weird manic shinigamis who call himself as a scientist whereas Ishida thinks he is only another weirdo cruel mad scientist that has no fashion sense at all and is supposed to be dead, rooting in the hell instead of Seireitei. Luckily, that self-labelled scientist is not present even though that person is the only excuse he would have to turn down this invitation. So all in all, Ishida Uryuu is not happy to be seated among the shinigamis and worse is that he cannot even reject the invitation due to Kuchiki-san's threat.

After sulking for some time, he thinks that it is pointless to even walk out in this kind of event, where all the higher officers of the shinigamis hierarchy are present and Ishida knows manner very well thus, the option of excusing himself without anyone else followed is not wise as it appears rude and that would ruin his image. Therefore, admitting his temporary defeat toward this circumstances, he quietly enjoyed the meal in front of him, pretending to be oblivious to the chaos happened around him. Random shinigamis try to steal each other food. Matsumoto-san drapes her hand upon the timid Isane-san singing an off-keyed song. Both Kuchiki-san, Abarai-san and Kurosaki-kun argue about something noisily which sometimes are whacked by the younger Kuchiki-san and long sighs from the elder Kuchiki-san. Shunsui-san flirts with his vice captain which earns random slap every now and then from Nanao-san. Kira-san who obviously cannot hold his liquor and now is drunk. Hitsugaya-san and Ukitake-san tell some jokes and tales which bring frown upon the youngest captain ever among the divisions and laugh from the older captain. Chad is being glomped by Yachiru-san. Inoue-san is having a decent conversation with Unohana-san who sometimes seems not to understand what the girl is saying. Yoruichi-san and Kuuka-san along with the captain from 2nd division, Soi-Fon-san are having some kind nostalgic conversation. Zaraki-san, Madarame-san and Yumichika-san along with the other shinigamis from 11th division are having drinking contest. Shortly, around Ishida is peaceful if only it means around the area of not further than 1 cm from where he is sitting and that he still can eat with all the dodging and ducking acts he has done.

Unfortunately, Ishida is still a human despite of what other people think about him and as an ordinary human, he does have his limit of patience. It takes 10 attempts from random shinigamis to steal his food, Matsumoto-san knocks over her sake cup and ruins Ishida's napkin, flying chopsticks of Abarai-san's which landed on his meal, Kurosaki-kun's food debris on his back of hand, Shunsui-san's shoulder knocks on his thus almost makes him choked over his own food, countless Ukitake-san's loud laughter, Chad's knuckles slams on the table every time the smallest vice-captain glomps on him which causes the table to shake and another method of ruining Ishida's food, some of Inoue-san's innocent but evil questions, many of Yoruichi-san's feet knocking against his under the table, Zaraki-san sheer power or others' power from the same division which creates an earthquake upon the table every time they slam down the sake container onto the table, to make the Quincy snaps.

Once the Quincy snaps, he sits still, hands are clenched quite hard and teeth are gritted against each other while his mind screams and howls. He needs to get out of this madness quickly or the stupidity will infect him too like some kind of deadly virus. But once again, his manner and his politeness prevent him to abruptly stand up and walk out of the room. So know he us thinking on how making him to be excused from this room without looking rude. And honestly, that's the hardest part of all. Ishida sighs and closes his eyes for a moment while leans backward a little to let another flying object from where Kurosaki-kun is sitting passes through and doesn't hit him. It sure will ruin his image if he is hit even though by then he will have an excuse. However, as a Quincy and lives upon his pride of Quincy that plan won't do for him. It will only disgrace him. Hence, he needs to come out with another plan that is of course elegant and polite, not some kind of idiotic stupid plan. That is easy to be said but really his creative brain now is failing him as he cannot even think up of any plans. And that is when he is about to give up, he looks up and coincidentally his gazes fall on Kurosaki-kun's face, particularly the corner of his lips which has a solitary rice grain left on. The gears in his brain start to move and he has come up with one great idea Thus time to put his plan into some action.

Ishida slams his cup of tea hard enough onto the table in purpose thus resulting on a descending silent upon the room. He makes sure that dark and pissed off aura is around him. Once he gets all the attention from the silent room occupants, he slowly lifts his head from the table and gets into the right angles of the light which makes his glasses to glint in an evil way. His face is expressionless and slowly he gets up form his position and walks steadily while all the room occupants looks at him and wonders on what he will do. He walks toward the direction of Kuchiki-san and once he is there, he stands still for a few seconds. He looks down in general direction toward the group then he looks at Kurosaki-kun. 

"Kurosaki-kun."  
"Y…Yes?"

The addressing is directed toward the substitute shinigami and that gesture of course brings all the room occupants to hold their breath on waiting for what will happen, not to mention the female Kuchiki is tensed up. The same stance is applied for Abarai-san while the head of Kuchicki clan remains calm. Kurosaki-kun meanwhile just watches and waits in the same tension or even greater tension as Ishida feels his nervousness pouring out from every pore of him.

"Excuse me for a moment."

And with that, Ishida leans down, captures Kurosaki's chin on a firm grip then tilts his head up. From that position too he licks upon the corner of Kurosaki's lips, removing the lone grain with his tongue and swiftly he brings his tongue to sweep a lick upon the inviting lips of Kurosaki before plunges it into the shocked parted lips. The kiss lasts for 30 seconds before Ishida pulls back with Kurosaki still looks at him dumbly. Obviously his brain has turned into a puddle of jelly by that short kiss. Ishida smirks as he straightens himself.

"Tastes sweet, Kurosaki-kun."

After the comment, Ishida turns around and calmly walks back to his seat and for few seconds he enjoys the peaceful silent and he serenely eats his remaining food. Though his face betrays no emotion, beneath the mask he is smirking upon his triumph that his plan works just as well as he has predicted. He has shocked both the orange-haired shinigami as well as the whole room speechless. He then starts to count down from 3 and just exactly on the end of his countdown, he hears Kurosaki is screaming his battle cry and launched an attack toward him which can be easily dodged by him as he has anticipated it.

The scream is Ishida cue to excuse himself and quickly he flees out of the room which are now in an uproar chaos doubled by his act toward that certain shinigami. He runs out of the room along with a raging mad shinigami on his tail screaming and threatening his life. The room's uproar, however is escalated double added by some whistling sound that cheers for him or some yelling to encourage the enraged shinigami on his pursuit. 

Inwardly, as Ishida runs for his life, he thanks his friend for reacting just like he wants to thus making his escape plan into a great success. Or…it can be a another problem since he doesn't know how to calm Kurosaki down and he knows he won't last long in this kind of pursuit. But then again, that will be another story, for at last he is freed from the room and those shinigamis.

Owari


End file.
